


Infra red

by godivapearl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Betrayal, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Atomic Blonde, Inspired by Red Sparrow, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren in Love, Kylo Ren is a Mess, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Medium smut, Multiple Relationships, POV Female Character, POV Kylo Ren, Physical Manipulation, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron in love, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Technically everyone needs a hug, Tension, first order agent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 16:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14981048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godivapearl/pseuds/godivapearl
Summary: Project Novantis was a military training program run by the First Order, primarily focused on training secret service special agents skilled in physical manipulation, and were tasked with guarding the First Order's secrets and recovering information that had been stolen by the First Order's enemies. That was Agent AL1864 job to do. But what if something happen, something that could ruin everything: she started to have feelings?Title inspiration: Three Days Grace -Infra redwww.youtube.com/watch?v=pwGS4Yn5qLo





	1. Not the only lonely one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.. when that plot came to my mind I just quickly wanted to write it down, then I ended up with almost 10 pages long story for the first time. This is the first chapter I finalized so far, please let me know what do you think, should I write forward, see what will happen with these guys?
> 
> Title is from: Three Days Grace - The Real You  
> www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI_TvHh0xSc

It wasn’t the best place or best time to do that, but it never was. She preferred being around the others however, it reduced the risk of raising attention. The main hangar was quite perfect, always busy enough not to bother with a girl sitting on the floor against the wall, watching as other technicians prepared X- and A-wings for their next take offs, joking around while working. She often wondered if she could really just choose a position in the Resistance she definitely went with a pilot post, they always seemed so easy, no matter how stressful a situation was.   
Returning her gaze to the holopad in her lap, slightly leaning forward so her loosen hair fell before her face, she wrote another sentence then stopped again, hearing heavy footsteps approaching her. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Well yes, usually everyone ignored her presence there, except one, just as she wanted it to be. As the boots finally came to her sight and the man stood just right before her, she finally raised her look up on him.  
„If you are planning to steal a ship, you could have just asked me.” He joked, a wicked smile plastered on his face, softening his sharp, characteristic features.   
“Nah, not now.” She shrugged with a playful smile, casually putting her holopad away. She could finish it later.  
“Then what are you up to?”  
„Waiting for someone to entertain me.” And she was ready to give that opportunity to him, knowing that he would take it willingly.  
“Seems like I’m your man. How about a ride?” He raised an eyebrow, extending his arm toward her. She titled her head pretending as if she was hesitating, but one thing Riley Dawson would never miss out, was the chance to see planets and moons lightening the infinite darkness, decorating the galaxy like billion accessories. She was always up for an opportunity to admire it, and he exactly knew that. Finally, she nodded accepting his gesture, allowing him to help her standing up. As she got to her feet his intense gaze immediately captured hers, never letting her arm, holding her frame tightly to his, so close she could feel his heart beating in his chest. Only a moment passed like that before she moved, gently pulling her arm out from his grip.  
Not yet.  
“And where do you take me to? I have the feeling that the General wouldn’t be happy about this trip.”  
“Don’t worry girl, we won’t leave the system. And the General doesn’t have to know.” He winked at her then hopped into the pilot seat gesturing her to join him.  
“Poe Dameron, you’ll never change.” She chuckled before following him, climbing in to the copilot seat.  
“Never baby.”

 

Riley Dawson was a member of the ship maintenance crew, specialized in X- and A-wing fighters, joining the Resistance after the First Order invaded her home planet Hosnian. She liked her, there were quite a few things they shared in common. The reason behind was simple: she needed to plan her identity for a longer period, and it was easier like that.   
One of these things were her passion for flying, and it was clear as the sky of Scarif, the man was hell of a good pilot, so she enjoyed their secret trips as much as Riley did.  
Soon enough she was familiar with every twists and turns in the Illeenium system, however sometimes Poe just joined the orbit of D’Qar so they could enjoy the view. It was uncomfortable, X fighters were so small in the inside, barely providing place for two, but none of them cared.

“If you could pick one, which one would you choose?” Poe asked, motioning to the stars around them. First she hummed in reply, thinking. “Well, my mother used to tell me a tale about a comet, who lost his shine, so he wandered all around the galaxy looking for it. Probably that one.”   
She didn’t have a mother, or father, she didn’t have family at all, but most people had, so Riley should have one too. Figuring out such small details like that, short anecdotes from a past that never existed was always easy for her.   
Too easy.  
“Why?” He asked, his brows knotted together curiously.   
“So I can help him.” She replied. He nodded, his features melted into a warm smile.   
“How about you?”  
“A one with peace. No violence, no pain, no lies.” His reply was quick, no hesitation as if he had that idea in his mind ready a long ago.  
She genuinely smiled at his response, he was too sweet for that Galaxy. Allowing herself an honest reaction, she crawled forward and leaned her head on his shoulder. He instantly accepted her gesture wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her into his lap so she could rest her head on his chest. She closed her eyes listening to his steady heartbeats, asking like almost a whisper. “Will you promise me something?”  
“Anything.” He murmured into her hair, his fingers playing with her soft locks.  
“If you find it, you bring me with you.”  
“I promise.” He chuckled, kissing her forehead then watching the small girl in his arms, she seemed so fragile in that moment. He gave it up a long ago to figure out when she was willing to let him close, but from time to time it seemed like that day would come.

There were many rules of being a spy of the First Order: Never raise attention, assimilate perfectly, report regularly, and last but not least: don’t get too close. All of them were clear and obvious, the hard part was creating the balance between them, but as Agent AL1864, that was her job to do. That should have had her job to do. It wasn’t a coincidence that the Order sent her to that mission, they needed the best and she was one of them: quick and effective, never failed a task.   
Failing was never an option, and she knew that she would do whatever it took to avoid it, no matter how painful it would be.  
Usually she didn’t have the luxury to choose her targets, but in that case she could have chosen anyone. Easier ones from a lot of perspectives than him, more open or easier to influence, she did her job with him for sure, but she didn’t mind, because first time in her whole career she had to spend time with someone who was actually interesting.  
Poe Dameron was complex. He seemed to be open with everyone, was charming and extremely friendly, but he held an invisible wall before him, which was really hard to get through. A wall probably most people didn’t even realize, but she did, and had decided to get behind. The one thing she wasn’t prepared for what she would find there: someone she liked.  
She had spent more than two weeks only to observe him before even trying to raise his attention, and she would never forget the scene, when she finally did.

She found him standing in front of his ship, the famous Black one, running his hand over his jaw then exhaling through his teeth, looking obviously troubled. Like she didn’t realize his worried expression she stood next to him, enthusiastically motioning to the ship in front of them.  
“Four laser canons huh? She’s a beast.”   
Not entirely looking at her he nodded, a hint of proudness in his voice. “Yeah she is.” He replied, allowing a half-smile in the corner of his lips, but his look still heavy from concern.  
“Need a hand?” She offered, hundred percent sure in the refusal.  
The pilot directed his look to her, shaking his head slightly. “Thank you, but currently I am not even sure what to do with mine.”  
“What’s the matter?”  
He hesitated for a second before answering, probably not counting on an actually competent advice from her. “A noise coming from the engine unit, couldn’t figure out why yet.”  
“Have you checked the power plants? Those Novaldex cells are really fussy, former ones were better if you asked me, than these O4-Z cryogenics.” She popped up the question like it just came to her mind. She could see his surprise by her clearly practiced comment but he managed to hide it quite well, most people probably wouldn’t notice it. “I checked already.” Was all he said.  
“The sensors then? Could be the transceiver, especially if it’s ANs-5d type.”  
That time he had more trouble to mask his shock, he needed a moment to find his voice and manage to reply again. “I-, I checked that too.”  
“Well… then there’s probably something in the ionization reactor.” She stated with the most innocent smile she could pull up, then friendly waved him off, leaving him there. She didn’t even reach the entrance of the hangar when heard his voice calling after her. She turned around, curiously eyeing him approaching. “You were right, there was something stuck in the reactor shield.”   
Of course it was, she was the one who put it there earlier. She managed to hide her satisfied smirk, offering him a friendly smile instead. “I’m glad that it’s solved then.”  
“Yeah, thank you.” He added but she didn’t give him chance to continue, she turned on her heels heading to the door again.   
“I’m Poe by the way.” He shouted after her, she didn’t stop but yelled back. “Riley.”

 

Arriving back for their secret trip, she needed a hot shower to pull herself back to reality, but an annoying beep from her room helped her in that also. Quickly drying off of herself and grabbing something to wear she answered the call. Direct contact was unusual, she could count it on one hand how many times it happened since she had been there. But there it was, the General’s blue holograph standing in the middle of her room. She made sure her room was locked, then sat across the projection, folding her arms in her lap. As she settled in facing him, he didn’t hesitate to start right in the middle, the man clearly didn’t like to waste any time.  
“I am lack of your recent update Agent.”   
That surely wasn’t the reason why he called her, yet she nodded. “I do apologize sir, it’s almost finished but I got distracted.”  
“Send me when you finished it then.” He slightly waved with his gloved hand indicating that it could wait until, then continued. ”I am contacting you because we received a hint and we need you to give us more information about it as soon as possible.”  
She nodded in confirmation. “Yes sir. What would that be?”  
“How come she has no idea? Isn’t that why she is there?” A voice interrupted and she didn’t need to see to recognize who it was, but the holopicture widened so she could see then the whole High Command sitting in front of her.   
Great.  
“Or we send there to fuck around the whole Resistance for no reason?” Peavey added.  
“I can assure you Captain I haven’t fucked around since it is not why I am here.” She sneered, her voice sharp, she didn’t even try to hide her feelings.   
Hux let her and she knew he would. They knew each other from many years, he gave some lessons at the Academy for the Novantis attendants personally. Even from them he favored her, so he always gave her chance to stood up and tell her opinion.  
“Maybe you should.” Peavey snapped at her, but before she would have the chance to retort someone else intervened. Someone she would never expected to do so.  
“Captain.” The deep growl instantly made the man wince, but he did his best to hide it. “That is enough.” Everyone turned as one following the mechanical voice, coming from the other side of the table.  
“Commander.” She greeted him, facing his mask for the first time in her life. She knew him, of course she did, but never had any interaction with him since, and technically defending her against Peavey wouldn’t had been her first guess for that. 

There it was, the girl he had heard so much about, Hux’s favorite. He could see now why. She wasn’t only professional, but she had her own opinion and she wasn’t afraid to speak up, something which was unusually rare within the Order, everyone told what others wanted to hear.   
So much bullshit.   
But not her, she raised her head high, retorting to a higher officer without a second thought, yet without any disrespect.   
“Agent, we need you to gain information about a new project, expectedly treated highly confidential. The Resistance tried to invade the server of the Archive. They are looking for something and we want to know what, find it out.”  
“Yes sir.”  
“How much time does it require?”  
“Two days.”  
“You have it. Report me directly.”  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses why she didn't let Poe to kiss her?


	2. The way

A few minutes had been passed before the door opened following her previous knocking. Poe’s sleepy expression quickly changed to a worried frown as he saw her standing in front of his room in the middle of the night. She had never did anything similar before.

“Riley, are you all right?” his raspy voice also implicated that he was probably already sleeping. She knew exactly it was late, she spent her evening sitting in the middle of her room, reading random articles trying to entertain herself enough not to fall asleep. She had only two days so she needed to make her next moves quickly, and if Poe didn’t know about the whole thing she needed to know as soon as possible, otherwise she was screwed.

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up, I just…” she started but he instantly cut her off.

“Hey, it’s okay, just tell me what’s wrong, all right?”

She nodded in reply and let herself guided by him, pulling her next to him sitting at the edge of his bed. She didn’t reply right away, looking around in the semi dark room, only a small lamp giving any light, but enough to reveal the mess around them, his dirty clothes laying in a pile at the corner, next to a couple of greasy X wing parts. Compare to how amazingly precise he was during flying, the chaos in his room could have seemed strange, but actually it just made his personality much clearer for her. He was one of the most significant person in the Resistance, an excellent pilot and a great leader, and it put a lot of pressure on him, a weight that he needed to carry when he was outside of room, but not there.

Following her look wandering around his room Poe let out a small chuckle. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting a guest.”

“If someone needs to apologize here it’s definitely not you Poe.”

“Okay well, let’s agree then no one should apologize, are we good like that?”

“We are.”

His features turned serious again, intently examining her face. “Now will you tell me, what’s the matter?”

She nervously bit her lower lip, taking a deep sigh. “I just didn’t want to be alone.” She breathed out finally.

His expression softened, a few wrinkles playing around his eyes as his warm smile spread across his face. “Then you did the best to come here.”

She smiled back at him. “I know.”

Poe looked at her for a long second, titling his head to the side like he wasn’t sure what to do with her now. “You look tired.” He objected then as if informing her. She muffled a displeased laugh. “That means I look horrible?”

He shook his head with a light smile. “No. That means you need to sleep.”

“Yeah, I was trying.” She shrugged.

“And you thought if you didn’t succeed, why let me do that huh?” He asked with a playful tone. No wonder everyone liked his attitude, his constant attempts to cheer everyone else around him up, was really unique. He was so sensitive about other’s feelings, and it was so strange for her to see how deep they payed attention, they actually _cared_ about each other.

She smiled at him confirming her appreciation about the effort. “To tell the truth I’m not really good at sleeping.”

“That sounds like it’s also not the first time you’d need company. You should have come before.” He said, his warm gaze never leaving hers. “Besides I’m also a pretty awful sleeper. Perhaps we are better in it together. Here’s the deal, you stay here and try to have some rest, okay?” Probably because of her lack of instant answer, he quickly added. “I will use the couch.”

“No.” She answered and he opened his mouth to reply and tell her about his innocent intentions but she didn’t let him, continuing.

“Stay here, with me.”

Shutting his mouth back and didn’t saying a word he waited a few moments as if he was expecting her to change her mind, then he moved, climbing under the sheets, his back leaning against the wall, his hand stretched out, palms up, reaching for her. “Come here then.”

She slid her fingers into his, lacing them together, he bent his elbow to pull her closer with the movement. As she almost reached his side she released his hand to support her balance on the mat, then scooped next to him, his arm wrapped around her waist immediately pulling her even closer to him, then started to play with her locks with his spare hand. “Close your eyes.” He instructed. She did as she was telling to, listening to his steady heartbeats and feeling as his fingers gently stroking her hair.

 “See? It is not that difficult.” His voice was low like a deep lullaby.

 

She waited for him to fall sound asleep, then she left his side sneaking out from the bed, trying to shift her weight with the less movement as she could manage not to wake him up. Living quarters were quite small so she barely had space to separate herself from him, _she needed to be very quiet._ Trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness she waited another few moments, looking around in the messy room meanwhile. As the smaller details started to clear up she moved forward, first to the pile of clothes, checking every pocket she found. From movement to movement she stopped and waited a moment to make sure his breath was still nice and steady. She didn’t found anything so moved to his small desk, carefully examining everything on the top of its surface. She found his commlink and his jacket lazily thrown atop of it, she tapped on every inch of the material finally founding what she was looking for, his datapad in the inside of it. Cautiously she raised it up to have access to the inner pocket when she noticed a handful of screws under it, but she didn’t have to time to prevent what was coming, the screws rolled away, a few of them hitting the floor with a loud thud as the metal met with the shiny surface in front of her feet. There was no chance he would sleep through it, his previous words rang in her mind. _“I’m also a pretty awful sleeper.”_ The only reaction she could do was to drop the jacket back to the table before her eyes met with Poe’s look on her.

She had two choice, one if she didn’t say a word letting him make the first step so she could figure out what he was thinking of, or taking out the lead not leaving room for his possible thoughts. She decided to mix the both.

“Still couldn’t sleep.” He said, more like a statement than a question. She shook her head slightly then laced her arms around herself as if she wanted to protect herself from what reaction would follow her words. “I lied to you.” She whispered. Poe’s deep eyes laid on her, carefully examining her face but not saying anything allowing her to continue.

“I did come to you because…” She took a deep breath. “Because I’ve heard that you will go for a new mission.” She stopped, waiting. She hadn’t heard anything but as he frequently went for missions, there was a quite high chance for success. He didn’t protest so she dared to risk to continue. “I have heard it will be very dangerous and-” Poe blinked, apparently completely confused by her words, sitting up, his bare feet touching the ground, now completely facing her. She bit her lower lip, directing her look to the floor, moving nervously from one leg to the other _._ She barely had idea what he was thinking about, he didn’t have any reason to think she was spying on him but he was careful enough and she needed to make him _completely_ trust her. “And I didn’t want you to go.” Her voice merely a whisper. Poe opened his mouth to say something, but before he could find his voice, she moved closer, finishing the gap between them, her legs meeting with his knees as she did. His look instantly shifted there, realizing her closeness, the fact that she just destroyed the wall she had been building between them so far.

 _Yes, she had been building it only to find the perfect opportunity to ruin it._ The perfect way to make his trust unquestionable.

Reaching out she gingerly touched his face, gently directing his look back at her, then pointed her finger to his lips.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

His eyes followed her movement as her arm dropped back to her side, then as if he just realized what was happening he reached out, his hands finding her hips, instantly pulling her closer. For his biggest surprise, she let him, her hands placed on his chest, their lips inches from each other, the sensation of her hot breath sent goosebumps all around his skin, and he couldn’t help but pull her even closer until they met in a kiss.

_Soft._

That was the first thought coming to her mind, no one kissed her so tender before. It was like a request, like he was asking for permission. For the briefest moment she let herself experience the moment, then tightened her grip around the fabric of his shirt, holding onto it to support herself while letting him pull herself in to his lap, her legs wrapping around his waist. As her weight shifted to his lap he gasped in her mouth, his hands running up on her back. Not even bothering with catching for breath, their lips never leaving the others, her hands found their ways under his shirt, making contact with the bare skin of his back. She could feel the warmth radiating from every inch of him as her fingers rambled all around him, while his hot, wet mouth left her lips following a path from her neck to her shoulders, gently sucking on her soft skin. Usually she felt completely nothing but she had to admit, it almost felt nice, if she didn’t need to concentrate on her moves, planning the next ones constantly, she could probably enjoy it, but it was only a part of her job, a tool she used and she had learnt how to use it. The voice of her instructor rang in her mind, always reminding her how she supposed to continue the task.

_“Graze of the fingers of the thigh brings blood to the groin”_

She pulled her hand forward from his back to his stomach, then slowly shifted her fingers down, instantly winning a soft moan escaping from his throat. Responding her movements she could feel his fingers discovering her under her shirt, so she started to peel of the layers from both of them.

_“Initiate the next moves create the illusion of vulnerability.”_

That was what she needed, making him believe that her need was real, after refusing him so many times, pretending she wasn’t interested then finally admit it wasn’t real, she knew that he would give her everything then, his trust would be unquestionable.

He leaned forward, supporting her balance with his hands, his lips leaving her neck finding their ways downwards until meeting with her breasts. She automatically hissed and squeezed her thighs tighter around his waist, and her hands found his buckle managing to unfasten it with a few movement. He helped her removing every unnecessary piece between them, then in the next moment there she was, completely his, holding onto his neck, panting in his ears.

She didn’t need to feel anything to know how she was supposed to act, she just needed to mirror the other party’s reaction, and after a point usually they lost in their pleasure so deep, it didn’t seem to matter. But not with Poe Dameron.

He _actually_ payed attention to her, his deep brown eyes intently holding her gaze, she felt as if he could just see through her right in that moment and it _scared_ her. Leaning forward she closed the gap between their lips, forcing him to kiss her with every movement, and _he did_ , releasing his low groans in her mouth until he collapsed on her shoulders, inhaling sharply, exhausted, but never releasing her. They remained like that for a few minutes only listening to their breathing became steady again, then she moved trying to get on her feet. He supported her holding her by her waist, watching her almost warily as if he was worried that she suddenly realize what she did and ran away. But that wasn’t her intention at all, instead she climbed next to him again, pulling the sheets around her waist. His look followed her movements then he laid next to her pulling her onto his chest again, kissing on her forehead. “I would do whatever it takes to come back to you.”

 

 

 

She barely slept but didn’t want to risk waking him up again, so she was listening to Poe’s calm breathing and watching as the dark ceiling lightened from minutes to minutes as the early rays painted it, slowly turning it to a golden shade.

 

_“At the end of this training you all will be weapons, the sharpest weapons in the hands of the First Order. Not simple agents, not simple soldiers but the perfect combination of both. You’ll be trained in spying, hand to hand combat and psychological manipulation._

 

16 months, 2 weeks and 3 days.

The exact amount of time required to complete the training of Project Novantis and no day had been spent when she wasn’t think about it. It was part of her as much as she was part of it. The words of her instructor on the first day often repeated in her mind, as if she had listened to it at least a hundred times, not once. Yet she remembered every sentence, every word, like a prayer.

 

_Every human being is a puzzle of need. You must become the missing piece and they will tell you anything. To do so, you must learn to push yourself beyond all limitation. Limitations your mind, limitations of your body. You will learn to use it as a weapon, the biggest influential potential._

 

 

She couldn’t tell how long she laid there like that, doing nothing but blinking until she felt him stirring next to her and a warm hand found her waist.

“Good Morning beautiful.”

She smiled and opened her eyes with a playful frown, pretending like she was also just waking up. “Hey.” She replied scouting a bit closer, her nose touching the edge of his jaw, her breath warming the skin of his neck.

“I really hate to say that, but we should get up.” Poe said against the skin of her head, gaining an indignant hum in reply.

“I know, I know.” He murmured kissing her forehead then she felt him stir and climbing out from the bed. She watched his way out to the refresher, her eyes following his muscular frame disappearing behind the door, then she quickly got to her feet moving to his jacket dropped to the table. Her fingers brushed through the rough fabric of the leather, finding their ways in his inner pocket and pulling out his holopad. It was secured by his fingerprint, so she turned around quickly looking for her own clothes and pulling out her own holopad, connecting them together with a few settings. She could crack easily the system to get in, but she needed more time to hide her intervention and even more to download its drive to her own. She could hear the water from the shower so she had a few more minutes for sure but she wasn’t sure how long Poe usually enjoyed the morning session. She effortlessly penetrated the system, she knew it inside and out so far but the device was damn slow.

Her heart almost skipped a beat as the swashing stopped, then the quick silence broken by Poe’s voice. She didn’t understand what he was saying inside so she hurriedly covered the devices with his jacket. The mirroring almost reached the 60% so she decided it wasn’t an option to break it, so she risked, moving to the way of the bath.

“Do you need something?” She asked knocking on the metal door.

“I left out the towel.” He replied with a small chuckle.

“Just a second, I give it to you.” She shouted back, while glancing around, nearly immediately saw the towel hanging from the edge of the wardrobe’s door. She pulled it down, throwing the fabric at her shoulder while moved back to the table, checking on the status of the downloading.

_78%_

She bit her lip.

_82%_

“It’s so messy around Dameron, it’s a miracle you didn’t lost yourself here.” She let out a small laugh, while internally cursed herself not noticing that damn towel hanging there.

“If you can’t manage it baby, I can’t choose but coming out like this.”

_91%_

“You’re not so lucky” She quickly replied on an amused tone while she tried to manage to erase the memory of her modifications in his device, then tore out the plug and shoved her holopad back in her stuff, shouting in. “I found it!”

“Don’t worry I didn’t freeze to death or something.”

“Such a relief.” She giggled as he pulled her forward, her body meeting with his damp skin. “I couldn’t take the blame to kill the best pilot in the Resistance.”

 


	3. Something in return

She couldn’t help but constantly frowned watching the results of her recent searches from the data she gained from Poe’s holopad. Everything was lack of any details so she tried to find the coherences and make some conclusion. Eager for any hint she could go on, she examined everything she found very carefully, looking for coded or any hidden meanings.

Sitting on the floor of her quarter, legs crossed, her long locks fell in her face, suddenly, out of nothing, with a slight buzz of her device, a blueish holocron appeared in front of her.

 

However, she was trained to be prepared for everything, anytime, the fact that she just had call she didn’t even receive, and the caller obviously didn’t need her to do that, was something truly unsettling.

She stood up in front of her _let’s say_ unexpected guest, greeting him with a slight nod.

“Commander.”

Not bothering with any formalities, he asked.  “Any progress?”

She suppressed a sigh. She only asked for two damn days for the Sun’s sake.  

“I’m on it but nothing concrete yet, sir.”

“Update me.” He instructed, his modulated voice buzzing around her small quarter.

She looked down on her notes.

_Barely nothing._

“I gained information about the missions led by the most important squadron in the fleet. Probably these are priority ones in…”

“Probably?”

She clenched her jaw. “I couldn’t be sure until…”

“Let’s make sure Agent.”

She held the gaze of the expressionless mask, willing herself to stay as calm as possible. “That is why I asked for two days, instead of only one.” She wanted to say but let that thought to herself, managing to reply in a more conform way. “Yes sir.”

“Go on.” He urged, waving with a gloved hand.

“According to the list there were quite a few mission located in the Inner Rim, the longest in the Western Reaches on a desert planet. What makes it even more interesting that there is another mission scheduled in a few days to the same location.”

“Which planet?”

“Jakku.”

“I want to know more about that mission.”

“Yes, sir.”

_How could someone be so impatient?_

“Be careful with your thoughts. Someone might once hear them.”

She paused for a moment allowing a hint of recognition crossing through her face, _damn, the man just read me like an open book._ She was aware of the facts about his power of course, but the experience made it much more amazing.

“If that happened often, I need to find another job.” then she replied with an almost invisible smile.

 

 

He didn’t do it often, referring to his power, but he wasn’t used to such reaction anyway.  She didn’t give even the slightest hint of intimidation or shock, nothing he usually received from others around him. He couldn’t decide if she was brave enough, something she obviously needed for being successful on her missions, or for some reason she was just able to reply to him without being threatened by his power or his rank. Both option was somewhat shocking.

He wasn’t use to such behavior in the Order, he always knew what the others would say or how they would react and the fact that someone could actually surprise him was a truly interesting sensation.

He knew Hux was nuts about the girl, and her results were unquestionable, she was professional. He didn’t tell it to himself but deep inside that was his motivation to demand results earlier, like he needed confirmation Hux was wrong. If he was willing to face that fact, he could also see it was highly unfair with one of the best Agent in the system, to put her in the middle of his own struggle.

 

“Tomorrow, same time.” With that the connection broke and her unexpected visitor vanished as sudden as he had appeared.

She released a stream of air through her nose as sitting down on the floor again. Kylo Ren had a fame within the Order for sure, several anecdotes spread about his power and temper. Everyone knew someone, who knew someone who saw him once. Yet, the truth was no one knew about him barely nothing, every bits and pieces were only gossips, supported by imagination. Her favorites were the ones trying to figure out what was behind his mask, a popular belief was that he was some kind of alien, but there were true fans of the idea that he was the immortal Senator Palpatin himself, who needed to hide his true identity.

About his true family background only a few knew about, and somehow the fact that he was the grandson of Darth Vader, the nephew of Luke Skywalker and on the top of that, the son of the Commander of the Resistance, Princess Lea Organa, somehow didn’t popped up from some creative trooper’s mind.

What she thought about him? Barely nothing. She wasn’t the type who was interested in creating theories without facts or own experience. Doing the opposite was basically her job, collecting as many inputs as possible to find out what was usually trying to kept as a secret.

She sighed, then picked up her pad and started typing. However the functions was available for everyone, she barely used it for chatting, _whom she could do such thing?_ She logged in, then searched for the name she wanted to message. Clicking on the icon, a small window popped up on her screen, waiting for her to type.

Dawson, 21:13: “Are you up?”

She pushed on the send button, then she was waiting. There was quite a high chance that he was awake, however he usually woke up very early, working on his ship from 4 am, but it wasn’t that late. Her finger pads barely left the screen and the answer already popped up. That was quicker than she expected.

Dameron, 21:13: “What if I say no?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, typing her answer just as fast as he probably did.

Dawson, 21:14: “Then you unfold your superpower about being able to chat meanwhile sleeping.”

Dameron, 21:14: “I couldn’t risk that.”

She could hear his serious tone, even see the small wrinkles around his eye level reveling his hidden smile.

Dameron, 21:14: “Meet me in the One.”

 

 

However she left almost immediately, he got there earlier already waiting for her, casually leaning to the edge of the ladder, his gaze following her along the way crossing through the almost empty hall. Departures wasn’t scheduled that time around, only a few mechanic was working around on a ship at the other side of the hangar.

“Still couldn’t sleep?” Poe asked, one eyebrow raising high, followed by a low chuckle. She didn’t reply as if being embarrassed by the question, directing her look on the ground with a weak smile. Riley would be definitely unsure of herself and about the situation her previous actions just created.  She started to speak keeping her head low, standing from one leg to another. “What I told you yesterday, about the mission… I’m sorry. I know it was silly, it is what you do, it is what all we do I just… I don’t handle my emotions professional, I know.”

“Hey.” A hand slipped under her chin, directing her look up to meet his warm eyes, brows knotted together. “You are acting silly now. Do you think I could judge you because of your feelings, especially if they are towards me?” He asked, moving his hands to the sides of her face, each palm cupping one cheek.

“I feel like you’re taking too much risk. We know hardly anything, but you…”

“Hey, Riley, listen to me. We know a lot of things and we are getting somewhere.” She could see the hope and dedication burning deep in his eyes. “And the mission you were talking about, it is not dangerous at all.”

“If it is not dangerous at all, bring me with you.” She knew it was the most ridiculous request she could ask for.

“Riley…”

“So, it is dangerous then.” She cut his words in half.

Poe released a shaky sigh. “It’s not that, but you know I couldn’t just decide about that, even if I wanted to it is not up to me… These are highly confidential missions.”

“Sounds less risky now.” Her ironic tone matched her skeptical expression.

Poe, clearly anxious, ran his fingers to his hair, his eyes almost desperate.  “Do you trust me?”

Feeling the weight of his question she paused for a moment before nodding. “I do. But do you?”

He looked long in her eyes before he turned to the ladder and jumped on to it, looking back at her from the top. “Come.”

She followed him climbing into his ship, eying him questionably. As she settled down next to him in the small space, he reached out to her face, holding her head under her chin with his thumb. “Of course I trust you.” Before he could continue, her lips covered his, slightly pushing him back in the seat.

_You all need to learn that, trust is not for free. If you want them to give you answers, you always had to give something first._

Crawling closer, she climbed in his lap, straddling him, making him gasp in her mouth as her weight met with his pelvic. Her lips left his only to find his neck, her mouth guided by the hot vein pulsating under her tongue. Reaching for the collar of his suit at the line of his collarbone, she gently bit on his salty skin, earning a moan and grasp on her waist.

She didn’t bother with undressing themselves, she just removed those items which were absolutely necessary, a way she learned to show her affection. As her hands found the zip of his suit, he helped her holding her up by her hip until she could free him, making it possible to melt together as he guided her back.

“Say it again.” She whispered, her hot breath and lips brushing his ear.

He reached up to her face, pulling it to his mouth. “I do trust you.”    

“Again.” She demanded, leaning back to be able to look in his eyes.

“I trust you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck to support herself but her eyes never left his, so he kept going, saying it again and again, more and more ragged with each movement.

“I-, trust-, you.”

 

After collapsing to his chest she didn’t moved, letting her face buried in his shoulder. He turned his head to the side so his lips brushed her forehead as he spoke.

“Listen, I want you to know that…“

“Mmh.” She hummed in reply, shaking her head ever so slightly. He chuckled planting a kiss on her head. “Can I talk if I promise we can stay like this until you want?”

“Well…” she pretended to consider her answer, making him laugh harder. “I know that you brought me up here only because of this…“

“I’d lie if I say I never imagined having sex with you in this babe, but my original intention was to talk to you where I’m sure no one can hear us. I’d like to remind that you that you were the one who…”

“Don’t be so flattered with yourself Dameron.” She interrupted on a teasing tone.

“I am flattered with you.” He answered, making her raise up her head and plant a soft kiss on his lips. She felt him smiling against her mouth and she returned it, also giving him a small giggle, a sound she always considered as the sign of the most honest, free happiness. Probably enjoying the moment, he stayed silent for a few more seconds, before parted her lips and talk again, his tone still easy but more serous that time.

 “Listen to me Riley. The mission we talked about…” Her heart almost skipped a beat in excitement, but she needed to keep her role, so she interrupted.

“Poe, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I want you to know.” He replied, his fingers grazing along her thigh pulled up in his lap.

_They always give something in return._

“We found something we believe could help us against the Order.”

That time she remained silent, letting him continue. “There is a map, well, currently we only have the half of it, but we assume that if we manage to have the other half, we can find Leia’s brother.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “You mean…”

“Yes. We can find Luke Skywalker.”

 

 

It was almost dawn when she got back to her room, but she instantly picked up her holopad to write a quick report to the Commander, her excitement wouldn’t allow her to sleep anyways. She opened the direct message platform and started to type without a second thought. Her fingers barely touched the screen when the device started to buzz, an incoming call directly from the Commander himself. Two question simultaneously popped into her mind, one was if it was really possible that he sensed her intention to contact him from across the other side of the galaxy, then the realization if _that man never sleeps?_

As his blueish figure appeared in front of her, she needed a few moment to realize that it was really him, as two tired dark eyes locked with hers, framed by similar colored wavy locks. Honestly she never wondered, how he could look like under his mask so far, but if she had done so, that surely wasn’t the look she would have voted for. Her mouth almost agape, she needed to force herself to kept her surprise hidden.

“Faster than I thought.” his unmodulated voice deep but surprisingly smooth, causing her a shiver ran down her spine. She decided to skip the official corporate rounds and got to the point. “They are looking for a map to find Luke Skywalker.” Her words were followed by another moment of silence as if he needed time to proceed the information.

Without his mask his face was still completely unreadable. “Wait for my further instructions.”


	4. Explosions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe learns the truth,  
> the Commander makes some commander stuff.

It seemed like there were no further instructions. After almost a week silence she started to presume that the other part of the operation would be executed without her cooperation, but what that turned out was meaning for her, was far for her expectations.

She never imagined how that assignment would end, however she had been known for a while, it got closer and closer in the past months. The high command waited quite a long time already, before attacking the rebel base, compare to how long they knew about its location.

As the siren’s sharp sound cut through the air, she immediately knew, _they were here._

 

“Prepare for evacuation. Go to your assigned assembly point.”

The alarm’s monotone repeat mixed with commands from everywhere, then soon enough combined with the sounds of explosions and shots coming from outside. She grabbed her blaster and ran out from the hangar, seeing as at least twenty First Order fleet circling around the base. She moved forward in the chaos, not sure what to do, _whom side she was supposed to stay?_

 

Sensing a shadow growing around her, she looked up to see a TIE superiority fighter slowly emerging from the other ships. She watched it approaching the ground, then landing elegantly, without a single thud. The door slid open and the Commander massive caped figure walked down the ramp, his masked face instantly finding her, as if he just knew where to look. As their gaze connected she watched him motioning toward her so she didn’t resist as two trooper grabbed her wrist, a bit too strong to her own taste.

“If I wanted to run away, you two would be dead by now.” She hissed under her breath to the two soldier, whom ignored her, but she felt a look on her and knew _he_ heard her. With a few long strides he reached her side, his tall figure towering above her, his real presence was even more intense than his hologram, something, she couldn’t imagine was actually possible. The man’s power basically vibrated in her room from the other side of the Galaxy, but now, as his expressionless mask looked down at her, his broad frame standing tall with his weapon in hand, she could understand why some people were afraid even to spell his name out loud. _He was the Force himself._

She tried to squirm away from the grip of the soldiers, looking up to him with a questionable frown, waiting for any sign of clarify his expectation towards her. As answer he extended his arm and grabbed her shoulder, pushing her to the ground on her knees. It wasn’t gentle neither violent, but firm enough to made her role clear.

She directed her look to the ground, as if being totally frightened. The commander didn’t move from her side, _he was waiting_. He didn’t need to do start looking for him, he knew Poe wouldn’t leave without her.

_And he was right._

It all happened so quickly. As if Kylo already perceived the danger he instantly moved, reacting immediately, so by the time the sound of a shot reached her, he stood raising his hand toward the figure in the distance who had just fired at him, he and his shot completely frozen. Poe, not being able to move, fell to the ground, to be picked up by two troopers.

As if nothing happened, Kylo turned on his heels and began walking back to his ship, the glowing red laser shot still hanging in the midair.

“Put them on board.” She heard his mechanical voice, and her eyes met with Poe’s desperate look before the trooper turned her around and pushed her to the direction of the ship.

 

 

 

“Impressive.” Ren started, making Poe slightly raise his head, his expression unreadable. “You’re the best pilot in the Resistance. I’ve never thought of such an honor to meet you.” His words followed by stubborn silence.

 

She was standing outside of the interrogation room, watching the observer panel, waiting for her part, _whatever that would be exactly_. In one thing she was sure, she was back now.

 

Poe slightly turned his head to the side implying that he didn’t open for the conversation. Kylo didn’t commented the movement only jerked his head back to face him with a slight slick of his fingers.

“You’re right, we can skip this part. You can make it easier and simply answer my questions. You can start with telling me, _where is the map_?”

“I don’t know, what are you talking about.” Poe answered, his voice calm, he didn’t give any sign of intimidation. She wasn’t surprised and probably Ren also suspected that, _and that was where she would come to the picture._

“Are you sure?” The distorted voice asked back, mirroring his calm tone, as if they just had a lovely Sunday afternoon conversation.

Poe blinked, confirming his previous statement. “You must misunderstand something.”

“We’ll see. Let me ask another question.” He moved a step closer, the sound of his heavy boots echoing from the metal panels. “What would you do, to save the girl?”

 _A tiny pause_ , not even a whole second, but it was enough for her to realize, and surely it was to Kylo too, whom probably also could sense the raise of his pulse. “What girl?” He asked back, his voice didn’t betray him at least.

“You know exactly whom I talk about. The girl lingering all on your thoughts. You must be relieved to hear, she is close to you. She is here.”

 _A longer pause that time_ , he was calculating his next move badly, she could tell. “You’re bluffing.” He stated however he also had seen her captured by the troopers. _Hope die as last._

“Am I?” Ren asked, and with a flicker of his fingers the door slid open, exposing her standing in front of a trooper, a blaster pushed to her side. As his eyes landed on her, Poe remain silent, but his features stiffened, his jaw sharpened as he squeezed his teeth together.

“Now that we clarified this, let’s try again. Where.is.the.map?”

The struggle was readable on Poe’s face, sweat started to cover his forehead making his messy locks sticking to his damp skin. His gaze shifted from her to Ren, who followed the way walking through the space to stand next to her.

“Still nothing?” The tiny raise of his voice should have been a warning. Not even leaving time for Poe to react, he slightly nodded so the trooper pushed her to the floor and she ended up on her knees with a thud. Poe instantly flinched at the movement, his jaw tightened together with such a force, she could see his veins running up on his neck. She set her eyes darted on the floor but a gloved hand slipped under her chin, cupping her face in between long fingers directing her head forward, forcing them to look at each other.

“I can understand.” Kylo said, a finger raising her head upper ever so slightly. “Pretty.” He added, referring to her exposed face.

“Don’t touch her.” Poe growled through gritted teeth. Kylo huffed a laugh, the sound coming out as a crackle, distorted through his mask. “I do whatever I want.”

For the bigger effect he leant forward, so his mask were inches from her face. “I can ruin that pretty face of hers, or…” He squeezed his fingers around her jaw, then shifted his hand to her neck, gloved fingers locking around it. “Or I can choke her to death in front of your eyes if I want to.”

“Stop.” Another growl, low but fueled with the frustration of his helpless situation.

“I’m not even started it yet.” He retorted, straightening up and stepping away with his arms extended towards her.

She felt it immediately, an invisible tight squeeze making her gasp for air. She fell to her hands to support herself in the desperate fight to catch for some air, her lungs burning in her chest. Tears started welling up in Poe’s eyes.

“Stop it.” He said again, but Kylo ignored it.

The sensation started to get agonizing, no matter how many times they had to practice to be able to tolerate different type of interrogation techniques, it never got any better. She knew, _she hoped_ Kylo wouldn’t kill her, but deep inside she wasn’t entirely sure how far he would go to get what he wanted. For endless seconds only the noises of her struggle filled the air, she raised one of her hand to her neck as if it could help her to loosen the pressure around her, still supporting herself with the other.

“STOP IT!” Poe roared, but there was no mercy. The burn inside of her chest started to feel nearly unbearable, she was afraid she would faint soon enough.

“It’s in a droid, a BB8 unit… the navigation chart uploaded in his system. I left it on Jakku.” Poe said finally, the tone of his low voice almost pleading.

“Was that so hard?”

The pressure immediately loose and she started coughing at the scratching sensation caused by oxygen filling her lungs again. 

“Returning the favor, I tell you a secret too.” The distorted voice said, and she felt the gloved hands under her arms pulling her on her feet. There was a second of silence before he spoke again. “You just saved one of the best Agent of the First Order.”

She looked at Poe, straight in his face. Seeing as realization lit in his eyes to replace it with desperate anger almost immediately. His features completely froze as his eyes laid on her, whirl of emotions playing in them in just one blink. He didn’t need to say a word, his look said it all: Disappointment. Betrayal. Pain.

“Your mission is completed; you can leave Agent.”


	5. Post misson protocol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst part of every mission.

_Emptiness._

That was all she felt. That was all she let herself feel. That was the only feeling she was able to make replace everything else, that helped her suppress any kind of emotion she wasn’t allowed to feel.

It was always rough anyway, returning for missions, and that was an especially long one. All she wanted was a long sleep, but she knew it was a completely impossible wish. Her holopad already filled up with a tons of appointment, _the post mission protocol had been just started._

 

1500 AM Medical examination

1600 PM Psychological examination

1800 PM Mission summary report

 

She sighed. _She would have a really long day._

It was purposely arranged like that, post mission protocol was strictly scheduled, not giving any free time for the returner, it made sense though, and deep inside she didn’t mind. No matter how tired she felt herself, she knew exactly keeping her busy was the best also for her. However, she was well aware that the aim of the busy program was to start her resocialization as soon as possible.

Psychological appointments were the worst. Naturally, those meetings weren’t part of the protocol because the Order was concerned about the feelings of their agents rather their mental health, and to to investigate if they were still dedicated and committed member of the organization. Considering the length of her assignment she presumed she had to attend more than only one occasion.

The risk was always there. The Order tried to cover it up but she had heard stories of her own classmates whom couldn’t handle the pressure and tried to escape. Obviously that could never happen, they knew too much.

 

She was on time but the therapist was already waiting for her.

“Please, have a seat and get yourself comfortable.” The woman started, gesturing the chair across her. “I’m very happy to meet you AL1864. My name is Dr. Norah Lean. How can I call you?”

“AL1864” She sighed.

 _These rounds again._  
“No nicknames, shorter version? I know that is very common amongst the troopers to emphasize their personality.”

“First, I’m not a trooper, second, I have no personality.”

“We both know, that is not true.”

 “You can call me as you want. I got used to listen every name intended to me.”

“AL… How about Alice then?”

“If it makes you feel any better.” She shrugged, her look was wandering around the room before settling on the huge mirror behind the back of the therapist. The room was a standard service room, but she realized a weak effort trying to make it a bit friendlier. There was a small vase on the middle of the metal table, with some kind of yellow flower in it, and a few pictures decorated the plane walls.

“We don’t have to stick to these traditions if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t. I just don’t see the point that’s all. I was raised to be able to become any personality a mission could possibly require, it goes with the fact that I had more names so far I could track, but none of them were mine, and none of them will be.” She was already annoyed. She always did her job the best as she could, _was that really necessary?_

“I think I understand your point of view. Then tell me, who are you when you are not on a mission?”

_Very good question._

“An agent of the First Order.”

“A special agent as far as I know.”

She almost rolled her eyes, if the woman planned to pull out the _possible Novantis traumas_ card she would walk away, seriously.

“There are more specialized groups within the organization, that raise the efficiency and professionalism.”

_Wow girl, Hux would be proud._

“I see.” Dr. Norah nodded, then typed something on her datapad before speaking again. “You had a really long mission, tell me, how is it coming back?”

“Which version are you interested in?”

“The version you are willing to tell.”

“My job is to create illusion of identities, I can tell you endless versions and you won’t be able to tell which the real one is.” It wasn’t her intention to chase the poor woman into crying, but she was too tired to control herself. So few times in her life when she could let that happen, and it just felt so damn good.

“I can understand you. There was a huge pressure on you, which usually comes out later. I am well aware of that our conversation is probably annoying you.”

_Did she found that out alone? Brilliant observation._

Ignoring her silence, the women went on. “It’s interesting that, you, a highly trained behavior analyzer, seems like are not trying to influence your gestures.”   

She smirked. Typical twist, trying to make her feel uncomfortable. It was just too easy. “But you do.” She replied, an almost invisible smile playing on her lips.

“Do I?” The women asked back, her brows slightly raising above her glasses.

“You cross your legs trying to imply that you are comfortable, but you don’t sit back in the chair which tells me that you are actually tensed, probably because you know they are watching us.” She pointed behind her back to the direction to the mirror. “You are quite new here, I can tell by the serial number of your pad, and you had no time getting use to the fact that you are being monitored.”

The woman nodded with recognition. “So it makes you feel comfortable to analyze me. You are got use to control every situation you are participate in.”

“It is not groundbreaking, that is my job.” She replied leaning back in her seat.

“All right, I see. Tell me then about your last identity, did you like Riley Dawson?”

She considered her answer for a minute, she had never thought about that earlier. “Riley was nice, but naïve girl.”

“You made it her to be like that.” The therapist pointed out, changing the position of her crossed legs while typing something in to the pad in her lap.

“Yes, she needed to be.”

“Why?”

“Because all of them are. Every single one of them in the Resistance. Their trust in the world they are believe in, in a better life, what is it if not naivety?”

“And don’t you think they are right?”

“What I think is that we are not as far from each other as we’d like to believe. We want the same, order in the Galaxy. The problem is they didn’t see that currently they are in the way of the order. They don’t see themselves correctly.”

“Could you specify that?”

“They only willing to see us cruel and violent, not realizing that a mission where they sent an entire fleet to the certain death is the same. The only difference is they are not able to realize it, their infinite hope authorize all of their actions, as if I believe in something I think it’s good, that erase all of the bad things I done to reach it. The Order doesn’t try to deny it.”

 

It really was far from her intention to talk about her beliefs and ideologies with a shrink of the Order, but it seemed the easier way, just get away with it. She could have particularly written her own report about herself, the whole process just seemed so pointless. She decided to comply and let the Dr. feel as she could handle the situation, internally thinking about how hungry she was.

The schedule was so busy, she barely had time for dinner after her programs at the medical wing, yet she managed to arrive earlier to the meeting room for the post mission summary meeting. She wasn’t the first one though, half of the table was already filled, everyone sitting in complete silence.

As she looked around she quickly understood why, Kylo Ren had also arrived earlier, he was sitting at the furthest point in the room, his masked face raising up, finding her just as she walked in.

 

They didn’t meet since he almost chocked her to death, she had every reason to feel some kind of uneasiness at least, but oddly, she didn’t.  

Not like the rest of the room, it seemed like everyone tried to sit as far away from as they could manage without making it so obvious. _Like he needed that to know._ Probably he was more aware of their feelings than them.

 

Walking in, she felt every pair of look on her, her arrival adding a great excuse to look up from their pads while they tried to look busy. She greeted them with a nod, then chose a seat across from her _favorite_ high rank member, Captain Peavey.

_That ass._

He didn’t even try to cover his feelings, his features turning into a grimace, as she sat down. She faked a warm smile, obviously to mock him.

“It’s been a while Captain, how are you always?”

Probably he wouldn’t even answer if the Commander didn’t sit a few places away. “Never better.” He barked, squirming in his seat uncomfortably. Her smile spread wider.

“Glad to hear that.”

She didn’t want it to make it easier, darting her eyes lazily at him, watching as his hands gripping the air on the plain surface on the table.

She could have sit like that for eternity, but at 1800, sharp, the door opened and the General walked in, making her look directing at him. He was accompanied by a younger officer, _his assistant probably_ , serious expression contrasting his boyish face. He didn’t have place at the table, he stood a few steps behind Hux, his look fixated on his back.

Didn’t wasting a moment Hux started to speak, effective and purposeful _as always_.

“One of our most important strategical point is coming to the end. We collected and analyzed the data Agent1864 was able to provide, then exterminated the Resistance base. Next step is to cut all of their ties with possible alliances. The weapon is almost ready, but until then our main focus should be on extending our alliances and-.

“I disagree General.” a modulate voice interrupted, making every wriggling in the room froze in the moment. Hux’s expression didn’t change, but she didn’t fail to notice as he exhaled through his nose, trying to consolidate his emotions and also his words, probably.

“May I know, what do you disagree with, Commander?”

“Our main focus, it should be on finding that map. With that we can spare all the effort now is going to find alliances, we can finish them once and for all.”

“As I’m sure you know, according to the Supr-“

“The Supreme Leader wants that map, if you want to play hide and seek its fine for me, but I’ll find it.”

The silence was nearly touchable, she felt as if everyone else also held back their breath fearing what would happen next. The boy behind Hux not even blinked, his pale face seemed to become even whiter as if possible, only his small freckles giving any tone to it. She moved her eyes from Hux to the Commander, realizing, she was the only one who dared to look up on him. The combination of his power and his famous unpredictable nature could make him feared, but _could he be really that bad?_

His masked face didn’t move but she could swear she felt his look on her, a piercing gaze coming from behind the dark covering, she merely blinked but didn’t turn away.

The image of his blueish holocron figure came to her mind, and she tried to envision the details of the face, now looking directly at her. She couldn’t tell how long that actually take, the voice of the General made her turn her look away.

“Then we’ll see which mission is succeeding earlier. Back to the original topic, Agent AL1864 reviled some details about a plan running under the codename Syncar 7, which attempt to non-digitalize the upcoming negotiations and future plans of the Resistance, trying to escape from our upper hand in this manner.”

“That means they won’t use any technology to store their data?” Peavey asked.

“Technically, yes. The idea is to use methods which lack any kind of digital aspects, to avoid the possibility of we hack and steal the information.” She answered.

“As ancient as it sounds, it could work…” Captain Opan commented.

She liked the man, the captain of the naval forces was always realistic and reasonable, a combination which she found quite rare within the organization.

“If everything goes as planned, they won’t have time to realize this idea, nevertheless, we sure cannot ignore it.” Hux concluded. “To be able to execute Syncar 7, they entrusted a codebreaker to delete their data from all the possible servers galaxywide.”

“Only some kind of master hacker will be able to do that.”

“Exactly.” Hux nodded meanwhile typing something on his holopad. Followed by the movements, a holocron appeared in the middle of the table, showing a picture of a middle aged man. “Bale O’Dovan, well-known the best codebreaker in the Galaxy. We have a strong belief that the Resistance trusted him with the task. Agent-“ Hux turned to her. “He is your new target. You will receive the details of the mission soon, right as I talked with the Supreme Leader.”

“Understood, sir.” She answered feeling her heart dropping in her chest as the wave of relief washed over her. According to the protocol, depending on the length of the previous missions, she should have been to be on hold for a while. _Usually the worst days of her life._ A new role, a new task meant that she had purpose, something giving reason for every day. The only way she could feel herself safe and confident: pretending to be someone else.

 

 


	6. Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent faces the demage she caused in Poe, and in herself.

 

As the meeting finished, she watched everyone standing up as one to leave the tensed room, except Ren, the General and his assistant-like companion. The commander didn’t move, his gloved hands resting on the table, his position still, almost statue-like, as if he didn’t plan to move ever again until the Galaxy fell apart. She had no idea what could be his motivation to stay.

As she stood up, the General moved with her, and crossing her path he stopped to wait for her at the end of the table.

“Agent.” He nodded, his plane expression remained the same, but his tone was a shade lighter than during the meeting, continuing. “I know you’re having quite a busy day, my apologies for the strict protocol. You’re must be quite overwhelmed.”

Considering that it was the closest thing to someone implied interest about her so far, she allowed herself a quick smile. “I can assure you General, I’m quite all right, thank you.”  

“Good.” Hux nodded. “I’ll provide you every details soon, until then I suggest some recreation.”

“I’ll be ready whenever it’s needed, Sir.”

Another nod, shorter this time, then, as if already spending too much time with small talk, he looked behind his back to find the boy waiting for him, gesturing with his left hand to move. She followed their way out, stopping for a moment at the entrance, her look wandering back to find the expressionless mask, still in the same position as before. She thought again for the face she had seen.

It still felt impossible to identify that man the same with the creature of Kylo Ren _. Was it possible that at all? Or that was the whole point of his cover? To separate the man inside the armor, from everything that Kylo Ren did?_

His fingers twitched, making her turn back and leave the room, his previous warning coming to her mind. _“Be careful with your thoughts. Someone might once hear them”_

 

 

Walking along the corridors, she tried to welcome the feeling of her return. When she had received the task of infiltrate within the Resistance, she was well aware of the importance of the mission and the high expectation towards her, but she hadn’t thought that the biggest challenge would be coming back.

Assigning the task for her meant that she was good, however she never was interested in those judgements. There were some agents always trying to prove that they were the bests, as if it meant something _, but actually it didn’t._ Only one thing mattered, and that was the interest of the Order. There was no place for personal ones, all they had to do was comply. She was never motivated to succeed to prove her skills or position, but to serve the organization, just as she was trained for.

As the door of the turbolift opened, she realized that she couldn’t even recall the moment when she had stepped in. She felt impossibly tired, but knew she had to do something before she’d make an attempt to finally have some rest. Her legs automatically carried her forward until she arrived at her destination. She touched the screen, the green laser immediately reacting, scanning her fingerprint:

 _access granted_.

 

She knew that he didn’t want to see her.

She knew that she shouldn’t visit him.

And she also knew that it would be easier not to face with the damage she had caused, but something told her that it could help her close the story she created. _At least, worth a try_.

He was there, still restrained in the middle, deep circles under his eyes, a few cuts covering his face, dried blood sticking his locks to his forehead, nevertheless he didn’t look beaten, he didn’t look as if he accepted failure.  

“Hello Poe.” She started, her voice low, barely more than a whisper. He didn’t reply, he didn’t even look at her but she wasn’t surprised.

“I don’t expect you to understand.” She continued, crossing through the small space, walking to the storage panel at the bottom, opening and picking up a bottle of water. She felt his look on her back, so she turned around, then slowly approached him, ignoring his protesting expression.

“Here, drink.” She lifted the bottle.

He ignored her movement, but didn’t turn away, his dry lips twitching before finally speaking, his voice tired, as if he didn’t want to waste too much energy for her. 

“Who sent you? That creature in the mask? The monster who tortured someone from his own?”

“No one.”

“Then why are you here? Is there anything left you haven’t got from me already?”

“Drink Poe.” She urged, lifting the bottle up again. He huffed at her, ever so slightly moving his head from side to side.

“Tell me, how does that make you feel? Lying and betraying literally everyone around you? Acting you care, _you love_? Faking your past? What you believe in?” He paused for a moment, his tone dropping when continuing. “Thinking about it… I _almost_ feel sorry for you. You must live in a fucking empty world.”

She didn’t answer right away, giving him time to calm down. Calculating with his frustration caused by the situation, and the anger towards her, she had expected way worse reaction.

“I lie about them. I lied about them so many times I probably couldn’t even count. But every time I do, I do it for a reason, for something I believe in. And don’t let yourself fool about it, it is ridiculously close to yours.”

He huffed a laugh. “Oh really? Then it turns out we still could be a match.”

“Drink. Not because I ask you to, but because you want to survive.”

“Why do you care?”

“You have to understand, all of that… wasn’t against you.”

“I know; I was only a tool you used.”

“I didn’t mean like that. I do my job, you do yours.”

“And what _your job_ would be exactly?”

“Serving the Order.”

“You should serve something more valuable.”

She didn’t reply, putting the bottle of water down. Poe’s look silently followed her movement. “You can choose your side, Riley.”

She directed her gaze back to meet his warm, brown eyes, a pool of emotions reflecting in them, so pure, honest dedication, naïve hope, and something she didn’t expect to see again, _care_. _Was that even possible after all that?_ That he was able to still have feelings for the girl, that never really existed?

She only shook her head in reply. Poe blinked, his look changing with the movement, sad realization started to dominating inside of them, asking.

“What is your real name?”

“AL1864.”

“That is not a name.”

“That is who I am.” She simply answered.

Poe didn’t reply right away, another new emotion showing up in his eyes, making her stomach drop in realization, it was _pity._

“So that is what the Order does… making you nobody.”

_Nobody._

The words crossed her mind like some kind of curse. She didn’t reply, there was no point to it. They could never be on similar pages.

_Nobody._

That is how he saw her, and probably it was the best like that.

She stepped closer, her hands gently cupping his face, their looks locking together, his defeated eyes holding her own ones, then leaning forward she placed a soft kissed on his cheek, lingering there for a few moments, her lips touching his rough skin, then she turned around and without another word or looking back, she left the room.

 

 

 

Nights after missions were always hard, but it never was as bad as that time.

There were no nightmares, _no_. Even worse than that.

She couldn’t sleep, at all.

She felt like there was no air around her. It was like her room ran out of oxygen, she struggled to breath, almost as if Kylo Ren’s invisible power made her choke, except there was no Kylo Ren there.

She sat on the floor at the end of her bed, her legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees.

_Breath girl, just breath._

She spent almost a year as Riley Dawson, a mechanic girl. It had never challenged her to build up a personality, but it always left her miserable when she finished them.

It made her feel _empty._

 

_“That is not a name.”_

_“Nobody.”_

She took a few deep breaths, slowly letting out the steam of air through her nose. Memories swirled around her mind, following each other in complete chaos, creating a surreal mixture, the experience so intense, every inch of her body shaking.

_Her instructor, the Academy, Poe, Peavey, the shower,_

_nobody…_

Forcing herself to move, she climbed up in her bed, pushing her trembling hands on the top of the mat trying to soothe the sensation.

_Breathe._

She was standing in the shower, letting the hot water pouring on her, eyes closed, just enjoying the moment of calmness for a few minutes. She felt extremely tired, the physical training was especially hard that day, and the afternoon lessons were also quite intense, all her mind wanted was a deep, dreamless sleep. Nightmares seemed to never avoid her, was that also part of being in the program? It was like her mind and body couldn’t proceed everything she should have, while she was awake. Sometimes she felt like it was too much, she would be never able to cross the limitations of her own mind, and force herself to use her own body, but soon enough those times had changed. She learnt to look at herself as a tool, and she learnt every method how she could use it.

She turned off the tap, dried her body off, when she heard a loud thud from outside. She wrapped the towel around her frame, and stepped out from the shower.

 

 

A huge thud woke her up, making her realize the fact that she had finally managed to fall asleep. She barely had time to sit up, finding two fully armed trooper standing in her room. She quickly thought through what reason she possibly was able to had done in such a short amount of time, which explained such attention.

Probably the visit? More likely something more serious…

The scene was quite bizarre as she eyed the duo standing at the end of her bed. She shifted to move, when one of them started to speak.

 “You have to come with us.”

“Yeah I figured that out.” She replied on a clearly annoyed tone, while her bare feet touched the ground. “May I know why?”

“The Commander is requesting your presence.”

The Commander.

_Great._

What the heck did he want in the middle of the night that couldn’t wait for a more reasonable time? Or perhaps the man really never sleeps…

“I hope the Commander could wait while I put something on, right?”

“You have to come with us, now.” The other one said, pushing the last word, urging.  

“Don’t worry, I won’t run away, I just put on my pants and shoes okay? Or are you planning to carry me in your arms?”

“Hurry up.” The trooper replied, impatience obvious in his voice, despite of the distortion his armor caused.

She could totally understand that they were afraid of not being able to complete the order of Ren, but she didn’t really plan to arrive barefoot and in her sleeping clothes. Putting on her pants and quickly laced her boots up, the troopers watched her like they were waiting for that she would disappear in any minute. Obviously, that could be really important if Ren made her wake up in the middle of the night, and the fact that he sent soldiers to her quarter instead of a simple request to her datapad, implied that probably he didn’t only want to chit-chat about her wellbeing.

_What the hell did he want?_


	7. Transparent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander needs some info, so why not check Agen't mind? Does he find what he expected to see?

“The pilot escaped.” Ren informed her, stepping in the room she was waiting for him. No long intros, no welcome, going straight forward to the point.

She furrowed her brows processing the information.

_Poe escaped._

Now, it was obvious why it was so urgent to found her, probably she was the last one recorded visitor making her the main suspect in the case. It was ironic however, knowing that probably Poe wouldn’t accept her help, even if she wanted to help him escape.

She sat back in the chair, almost laughing. That man was a real case, standard prediction analyzing methods never worked with him, the only way she was able to forecast his actions to spend as much time around him as possible. Based on all information she had collected about him and his nature, she wasn’t really surprised that he somehow managed to escape, despite of the fact that it seemed generally impossible. He must have had help though, _but from who?_

She slightly tilted her chin up with confidence. “It wasn’t me.” She stated just to make her point clear.

She was the logical suspect, probably the closest who could have been motivated to help him out.

“I know.” He simply answered while he walked next to the table, standing across her. “I also know, however, you visited him.” The robotic voice continued, the expressionless mask staring into her face. “But it is not why you’re here.”

_Oh._

_Of course he knew_.

She blinked taking the information. If he was well aware that she didn’t help him, what did he want?

 “Well, I have nothing to hide.” She replied on a calm tone, moderating her voice to hide her unsteadiness as possible, her eyes never leaving the point where his eyes had to be. She couldn’t help but think of the irony of her statement, in the light of the fact, that she practically addressed it to someone who hide his face from people around him.

As if he just heard her thoughts _(did he?)_ , in the next moment he reached up to the side of his helmet and with a clicking sound followed by a hiss, he pulled it off, placing it in front of himself on the table, his gloved hand resting on its top.

“I know that too.” He replied then, his smooth voice and soft features caught her off guard again, his impossibly dark eyes met with hers. She could see now the details of his face, fair skin and full lips, framed with dark, slightly wavy locks. Somewhat proving that he was a human after all, dark circles under his eyes implied his clearly horrible resting habits, as the clear sign of sleeping deprivation.

 

It was so hard to match the man standing in front of her, with the creature she had known as Kylo Ren. He looked exhausted, yet still so powerful, it seemed like every inch of his large frame was radiating some kind of invisible energy. His simple existence made it obvious, no secret could be hide from him. Not as if it would be her plan to hide anything, she had no secrets, she was ready to give him as much as information as he needed.

“What do you wish to know then, Sir?”

As the question left her mouth, he moved, leaving the mask on the table. She watched him getting closer with a few long strides, then bending his knees he lowered himself to the ground, making their faces almost in the same level.

From that new perspective, she could explore another few details of his face, small moles on seemed like ridiculously smooth skin, it looked like its smoother than hers, _was that even possible?_ He was perfectly shaved; she could almost smell the fresh scent of aftershave, his almost black hair contrasting his fair skin tone.

_What a waste to hide._

As unusual as it was, she found it quite uncomfortable to hold his now direct gaze, not even using his power, only watching her from a few inch closeness, coal eyes piercing into her very soul, making her feel like she was completely transparent.

Getting used to the feeling of having situations completely under her control, and having a lot more information about the other party than it had of her, the sensation of being unsure of the scenario ahead made her stomach flip uncomfortably, yet her expression didn’t change.

 

Titling his head slightly sideways, he was studying her face for a few seconds, the girl started back at him, perfectly still, not giving any sign of anxiety. She was trained well that was clear, her soft features completely relaxed, her breath nice and steady, nothing in her actions betrayed her, yet he could sense her anxiousness.

It wasn’t the same kind of emotion as he got used to, it wasn’t fear. _No_ , she wasn’t intimidated by him at all, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, it was quite annoying but fascinating at the same time. Her deep dark eyes laid on him waiting for him to continue, her hands placed on the top of the table, fingers relaxed, not a slight twitch betraying her.

 “Tell me about the droid. You knew it.”

She paused for a second before her reply, not entirely sure what kind of details he was looking for. “It’s a BB-series astromech droid, equipped with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator, programmed by the Resistance-”

“Yes, that part I know, but I need more than that. You’ve seen a lot, probably something we don’t know yet important. I hope you don’t mind if I check.”

She blinked, immediately getting what he was referring to.

_So that was what he needed, information straight from her mind._

“You can have all I know, Commander.” She replied calmly, retrieving her hands into her lap.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you this time.” He said while he started to take his gloves off, placing the piece of leathers on the table. She followed the movement of the lean fingers, until they rose in front of her face, so close, almost touching her skin. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say or do something, she turned her head away slightly, directing her look at the smooth surface of the table.

Nothing happened for a few seconds, then she started to feel it, a firm pulsating sensation in her head.

_He was there._

He had been interested in her for a long time, since he had started to receive the reports from the girl, who was sent to the Resistance. He had checked her records, all her personality and behavior analysis, polygraph and medical exam results, also her final evaluation detailed in main four category: academics, case exercises, firearms training, and operational skills. Agent trainees studied a broad range of subjects that grounds them in the fundamentals of behavioral science, negotiation ability and interrogation technique, communication and manipulation, research and analyzation skills, action on field and combat skills. All of her results were excellent.

It wasn’t surprising that she had been chosen for the mission from she just returned back from, obviously she had seen a lot more than a report could tell, and he wanted to see _everything_. He needed to find that droid, and a possible solution could be there, in her head.

Because of his own interest, also to make the process easier, he didn’t start to look for her older memories first, starting with the most active ones, the ones she just experienced or was thinking of lately.

 

 

_A classic academic room, filled with students dressed in the typical Academic dark grey uniform, sitting with back straight, head up, looks darted ahead. A girl standing in front of them, hair pulled back neatly in a simple braid, her hands folded behind her back, the shade of the uniform contrasting her fair skin, making her looking so pale, even her hair seemed darker, yet he immediately recognized her. She looked very similar yet so different._

_“You came to learn today that all you see in the mirror, it is only flesh. Flesh, you should work with, something you need to use. You should never forget; your body belongs to the Order.”_

_A middle aged women circled around her, slipping a hand under her chin, slightly raising her head high before stepping away, a short command following her movements._

_“1864, take off your clothes.”_

_Her expression didn’t change, she merely blinked as if processing the order, her face completely blank, then she moved, slowly reaching to the buttons of her shirt. Her hand running up to her collar, her fingers finding the first button, revealing her body inch by inch to the whole class. First her neck, followed by the line of her collarbone, then the edge of her bare shoulders… Before the fabric managed to slip down on her arms, he moved on._

 

_A shower._

_Stream filling the air, she just stepped out of the cabin, a towel wrapped around her frame, long brown locks sticking to her damp shoulders. Before she could leave the small space, someone showed up, a man in uniform trying to push her back with a violent movement. Her body hit the wall with a thud, the man trying to pin her there with his weight._

_“You worthless little bitch. This is what you are, you know it right? Nothing more than the property of the Order.”_

_He knew that voice._

_She struggled to escape, hissing under her breath._

_“But not the property of yours.”_

_“Why are you playing the innocent? That is what you are good for, you know that too...”_

_She didn’t answer, struggling to find escape, her hands gripping the tap behind her back, trying to broke it off from the wall. The man trying to flip her around, pulled her, shoving her back to the wall with a push. Her fingers reached the tap again, dragging the upper part until it clicked, then finally managed to break it off. With one movement she turned around, slamming the piece of metal into the man’s head. A scream followed the action and she jumped out, her fingers releasing the weapon, the broken tap loudly falling to the ground._

The realization was shocking.

So that was why she hated him so much. He had sensed the conflict between them, the strong disgust vibrating around her as they sat across each other, and now the reason was obvious.

Peavey tried to rape her.

Releasing the lately dominant memories, he moved to search more deeply. He found her first contact with the pilot, her well-planned scene at the hanger. He scrolled through a few of their conversations, also finding a scene when she examined the droid, she was clever enough to check if it had any hidden information, but that time it hadn’t.

Her reports were correct and well detailed, there were nothing she forget to mention, and had any value.

 

It was uncomfortable. Not _only_ because of the significant pressure in her head, she could dealt with pain, however it wasn’t half as bad as she had expected to be. But having completely no idea what he could see in her mind, made her feel so vulnerable, she had never experienced before.   

Not as if she had any secrets from the Order.

Not as if she had anything to hide.

But until then, there was one place which was entirely hers, _her thoughts._

All of a sudden the pressure stopped so she turned her head back to his, waiting for him to say something. There was a second of pause, then the almost black eyes leaved her, and he stood up, staring to pace around the small room. She watched as his uniform float behind him, then he turned on his heels to face her again, leaning against the wall.

 

“You could have stayed.” He simply said.

Whatever she was expecting him to say, that clearly wasn’t one of her ideas.

She raised an eyebrow.

“And why would I do that?”

“You’re lonely.” He stated looking in her eyes intently, technically pinning her to the seat, then added. “The pilot, he loved you.”

“Oh no.” She huffed a laugh shaking her head. “Whoever he loved, certainly wasn’t _me_.”

 

He was slightly taken aback about the calmness as she stated it, the fact she was completely aware of that no one could love her, because the concept of her wasn’t known by the people she was surrounded by. She was well aware of the fact that, the pilot loved someone else, a role she played but not her.

He examined her face for a while before talking again. Her hazel eyes holding his look, hands on her lap, chin slightly raised upwards.

 “Wouldn’t that worth it anyway?”

He wanted to know her motivation, how she was able to keep up and accept the fact that she never had the chance to choose a life, to decide on her side. “He would have gave you everything. You could leave the war, try to live a normal life. A life you never had the chance to experience.”

With a sigh she blinked, but her eyes never left his. “I would spare you the corporate propaganda that I am completely committed to the Order and I would never give up on my purpose. You know the answer anyway. But, if ever planned to leave, Poe certainly wouldn’t be the best choice, he never will be able to leave the Resistance.”

“Your loyalty is not matter of question. What I want to know is, what keeps you here? You could have left easily, choosing an easier life. A life where you don’t have to sit at the end of your bed in the middle of the night, feeling that desperate lioness. Feels like it eats you alive.”

 _And oh, he knew that place all too well._ How come she didn’t escape?

She pursed her lips as she realized he mirrored her own exact feelings to her. He had seen enough then, there was nothing else to shame.

“Keep looking.” She simply said.

It was all there, in her head.

 

The pressure came back, but it was much gentler that time, probably because he only watched what she wanted to show him, his presence felt less like an intruder, it was rather like a visitor.

She thought of the first night she spent with Poe. They were lying in the bed, his arms wrapped around her waist, his steady breath the only noise filling the dark room. It could have seemed so ideal, _romantic even_.

But it wasn’t.

Maybe her body could have find comfort in the situation, but not her mind. She felt the same loneliness, the exact same feeling she felt when she was alone, it made no difference someone was holding her body.

“I am alone anyway.” She said, a half sad smile playing at the corner of her lips. “So what that life could be? Not more than a lie. Perhaps I could make myself believe that I belong to someone who didn’t even know me, for a while, but I have pretended so many times to be someone else, sometimes I feel even I don’t know who I am. I don’t think, a life, where I have to be a completely different person would be better, than the life I have now.”

He appreciated her honesty.

The participants of Project Novantis were usually blinded by the propaganda they had been raised in, but not her, she had extremely strong personality compering to the fact that, according to the program she basically shouldn’t have any at all.

“You have to do it anyway, what’s the difference?” He asked, his face unreadable.

Her eyes shifted down to her hands for a second, then raised her gaze back again at him while replying.

“I don’t try to lie to myself.”

Fair point. He slowly nodded. “I see.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, so she waited, looking as he started to slowly pacing around the room again. “Tell me-“, he said with his back to her, “what are they talking about me?”

She needed only a moment to make sure, if she understood the question correctly but she didn’t reply right away. He obviously knew what the Galaxy thought about Kylo Ren, he was the one who created that identity, he certainly didn’t ask to make her tell that.

There was only one thing which made the knowledge of the Resistance different, than the knowledge of the rest of the Galaxy, and he knew that she also knew it.

“Go on, tell me.” He added, turning back to face her.

She wasn’t sure if he really wanted to hear it. She let a stream of air escape through her nose before replying. “Some of them think… you will return.”

His expression didn’t change, but his answer came eagerly. “Who?”

She suppressed a sigh, forcing herself not to look away. “General Organa.”

_Who else ,could have such a strong in faith in the impossible, than his mother?_

No sign of emotions, he didn’t even react, asking.

“And you, Agent?”

_Her?_

“I’m not sure I understand your request Commander.”

“I want you to analyze me, as an expert.”

She didn’t want to believe her ears. Did he really want that?

“Usually I have my research before doing that…”

“I’m sure you know just enough.”

_Probably._

If Kylo Ren was about to test her reaction in an uncomfortable situation, _hell,_ he did it perfectly. What she was supposed to say? If she said what she really thought, that could be easily her own suicide, but if she gave him a safe answer, he would see through it in a heartbeat, also making her suck the whole game.

Seconds passed before she talked, calmly returning his piercing gaze never leaving her.

“I have to usually look for weak points, to do so, I always start with a person’s history. If you see their breakpoints you can conclude about their motivations, aims, also their fears.  That is what you want to make me talk about?”

“Go on, Agent.”

She forced back a deep sigh escaping from her lungs.

“Your bloodline is exceptional, putting a huge pressure on you. Your motivation probably to be able to prove the expectations towards you, right. The hard thing is, you had to decide whose expectations you want to achieve. There are two sides, want to make you act as they believe that is the right way, usually I would suspect that in this case- ” she slowed her sentence down, trying to figure out how far he wanted to make her go, but his expression didn’t say anything just as he was wearing his mask.

“-that your biggest frustration is probably to find the way, _you_ think is right.”

Just for a second, maybe not even a whole one but there it was, a tiny sign of reaction in his eyes. He tried his best but he couldn’t hide it from her, she hit something, she didn’t know exactly what, but she didn’t want to go on.

Silence.

Not even a minute, but it seemed so damn long before he suddenly turned his head away, freeing her from the weight of his eyes.

“You can leave now.” Was all he said.


End file.
